It Takes One To Know One
by RockyD
Summary: Halloween havoc reigns again


Title: "It Takes One To Know One" 

Author: RockyD 

E-mail: dollen@chartermi.net 

Category: Halloween Challenge Fic (http://www.jennsfanfic.com/Challenge) 

Rating: PG-14 (nothing worse than the show)

Summary: Halloween Havoc reigns again. 

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon and Co. The only thing I lay claim to is the excruciating torture I put them through... and I'm sure they love me for it. 

Author's Note: I decided to come out of work-induced seclusion to answer a challenge that got me thinking... I just hope I've got enough writing talent left to pull it off. Be Warned, Not Beta Read. Read at your own risk. 

Feedback: YES! It would be appreciated. 

Wednesday, October 30th, 10:00pm  
The Summers' Residence 

"Why are you doing this?"  
Dawn looked up, seeing her mother looking down on her disapprovingly. She tried her best to look apathetic, "I know you're not my mother. You're just a figment of my imagination, based on my memories of her, designed to work as my conscience. Like my very on Jiminy Cricket... So you know what I'm doing."  
"Isn't it a little bit selfish?" Joyce asked.  
"Yes, it is." Dawn grumbled through clenched teeth, "That's the point. It's about me. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want everyone to keep ignoring me."  
"I thought we covered this ground last year." Joyce responded skeptically.  
Dawn sighed, "Okay, okay. I'm lying to myself. I just want a boyfriend. Don't you think he'd be perfect?"  
"That's not the point, Dawn. What you're doing is messing with dangerous power. Remember what happened to Willow?"  
Dawn growled, "How could I forget? After Buffy and Xander drilled it into my head all summer, I was afraid I'd freak when I saw her. But I was completely fine." She continued spreading the powder around herself in a circle.  
"Then why are you doing this?" Joyce's voice remained calm and unaccusing. Simply asking for clarification.  
"Because I want him. And I want him to want me." She finished the circle and pulled her remaining materials in with her. She placed the chicken bones in an intricate pattern, and poured a small mound of the red powder in the lowest portion closest to her. Above that, still inside the bones, she laid down a single picture. Of Xander.  
"Is this really fair to him?"  
"When I'm old enough for him to look at me that way, he'll probably fall in love with me just like he did my sister... I just don't have the patience to wait that long. So I'm using this spell to make me old enough for him to want me. That's all."  
Joyce frowned, "You don't know what you're doing." After that, she vanished.  
"Of course I do, I'm a key." She smirked, self-assure. She lit the incense, and began chanting quietly, "Ominey Edeta Solan Mier... Ecta Losa Reili... Let the vision be, in heart and mind..." She waved the incense in front of herself, and proceeded to reel back, before sneezing powerfully enough to spread powder all over the place. Most deposited itself on the picture of Xander, before flashing quickly as all the lights dimmed and then faded.  
Dawn sat there in the dark for a minute, wondering just what went wrong, before Buffy called up, "Dawn, what did you do?"  
Dawn, to her own embarrassment, squeaked, "Nothing!" The lights slowly returned to normal brightness. She quickly discarded her plan and began cleaning the materials up off her floor.  
Without any further ado, she settled herself into bed for the night. 

Thursday, October 31st, 6:30am  
Xander's Apartment 

Xander rolled out of bed Halloween morning, wiping the sleep out of his eyes and marching around his bedroom looking for something to put on.  
He mindlessly he wandered over to the door, entering the main living room, and shuffling over to the kitchen to find some breakfast. However, he soon discovered he had nothing in his cupboards save for instant noodles and a package of cake frosting.  
Throwing caution to the wind, he grabbed the tiny tub of frosting and peeled the top off. A spoon was his next object of conquest, and his bachelor breakfast was soon underway.  
His stomach still grumbled after the frosting was long gone, but it would just have to do until lunch time. He got up and made his way over to the bathroom, as his mind started waking up with the introduction of food to his system.  
He groaned as he remembered what day it was, and groaned even more when he remembered things that had happened to him in years past. Being a pseudo-soldier and an invisible secret agent slash waiter were not his fondest of memories, unless you counted getting to see Buffy all damsely and bosomy in a fluffy dress, but they were warnings of caution to anyone living in Sunnydale.  
As he entered the bathroom, he began feeling strange. In his life, however, strange was usual, so he ignored the feeling.  
Upon raising his eyes to the bathroom mirror, however, he realized that nothing in this town should be ignored. As indicated by the grease-paint and cherry red nose staring back at him in the mirror.  
At first, he simply wiped away the chocolate that remained around his lips, hoping upon hope that it was merely groggy vision and the late patrol that were causing his delusion.  
Upon realizing that wasn't the case, Xander screamed loud enough for the entire building to hear, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
Several showers were taken, but to no avail. To Xander's ultimate horror, neither the grease paint nor the red nose would come off, no matter how hard he tried.  
He threw a complete fit, flailing his arms around, running back and forth throughout his apartment. After he was satisfied that the universe understood just how unfair this latest curveball was, he stopped. "What the hell am I doing? I need to get help!" He threw on the nearest clothes, and bolted out his front door. 

Thursday, October 31st, 7:00am  
The Summers' Residence 

His car came to a screeching halt in front of the Summers' residence. Xander plodded his way up the front wake, and pounded on the door with everything he had.  
The door opened to reveal Willow with hair rollers pinned up in her hair, and a pink bathrobe on. Upon seeing Xander, she burst out laughing, "X-Xander! Why are you... dressed up for Halloween already?"  
Xander took her laughter as an omen, mostly because he was in such a traumatized mental state from noticing that the 'nearest clothes' he grabbed were really the pieces of a clown outfit, "Willow, how could you do this to me? I mean... I... I'm sorry to accuse you of this, and hey it's not really bad magic... except for the mind numbing fear... but, Will, you know how bad this is for me... how could you?"  
Willow finally calmed herself down, and answered, "I didn't do it, Xander. I... almost wish I had, but you know me better than that. Pranks aren't on my approved list of magic." She helped him into the living room and sat him down, "Have you tried washing it off?"  
Xander gave her and incredulous look, "If it weren't for the make-up, Will, you'd be able to see just how raw my skin is from scrubbing this crap off me. And I can tell you, it's *all* over me. You should have seen the looks I was getting on the way over here. I couldn't even look in the rear view mirrors."  
"Oh boy... umm... I'm not sure how I can help, Xander."  
He sighed, "You're the witch... can't you just reverse this?"  
"Xander, I'm sorry... it's not like when Toth split you, this just feels different. We'll have to find whoever did this in order to know how to reverse it..."  
Xander seethed, "What vile fiend would conjure up a punishment like this?!"  
"Buffy!" Willow declared. At Xander's questioning look, Willow elaborated, "Oh, I mean... we could go talk to her, and she could go look for whatever did this?"  
"Are you insane? I'm not going out anywhere like this!"  
She frowned, "You came here, didn't you?"  
"There aren't people here!" He paused, "Well, at least not people who I'd be afraid to be embarrassed in front of."  
Willow smiled kindly, "Do you want me to go get Buffy? I can do that, and we can come back here and get on the case."  
He nodded, "Okay... uh, what am I supposed to do until then? I'm feeling like I might claw my eyes out here." He frowned, which caused Willow to laugh once again, "Can't you just call her?"  
Willow looked aghast at the fact she hadn't thought of that before, "Oh! Oh, I could totally call her! I'll go do that. Right now." She scampered, yes literally scampered, over to the phone to call Buffy. 

Thursday, October 31st, 7:20am  
SHS Guidance Office 

Buffy picked up the phone on her desk, answering, "Sunnydale High School Guidance Office, we help the hopeless. Uh, I mean... How can I help you?"  
"Buffy? It's Willow."  
"Hey Wills, what's up?"  
"Buffy, something is wrong... It's Xander..."  
Buffy hated hearing that phrase, especially in reference to her friends. She was snapped out of her worry when Willow continued, "Don't worry, Buffy, it's not an emergency."  
"Not an emergency?!" Buffy heard Xander almost scream on the other end, "Willow, this is life or death!"  
Willow laughed, "Xander, relax and go sit down, okay?"  
"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy asked, unsure whether to continue worrying or laugh at Xander's outburst.  
"It's... really difficult to explain, Buffy. All I can really say is we need your help cause we might have to go out hunting for someone or something."  
"Hunting for someone? Willow..."  
"Just come home, Buffy... I hope this doesn't get you in trouble, but we really need you right now."  
"Okay, I'll be home in a little while." She hung up the phone and grabbed her coat off the coat rack. 

Thursday, October 31st, 7:30am  
A Sidewalk Somewhere Between SHS and the Summers' House 

"I don't really understand why you're bringing me along on this. You're the one who keeps telling me to stay in school. So what's with the pulling me out of it?" She continued walking at a semi-fast pace, "And, for the record, you need to slow down a little cause I can't keep up with your freaky slayer legs."  
Buffy slowed down her pace to match that of her sister, "Willow said we might have to do some hunting, so someone is going to have to stay with Xander."  
"Xander?" Dawn asked meekly.  
The tone of her sister's voice made Buffy turn to look at her sympathetically, "Just relax, Dawn. Willow said there as something wrong with Xander, but that it wasn't an emergency. She said we might have to go searching for someone or something related to it. Xander is okay."  
Dawn still didn't look so good, "Something happened to Xander..."  
Buffy gave her sister a side hug as they continued walking, "We'll figure out what did it, Dawn, and Xander will be good as new. I'm sure whatever has happened to him can't be *that* bad, or else Willow would have told us to hurry."  
They arrived at their home to see Xander's car parked out front. Parked being a relative term as it looked like he had been doing 90 miles per hour and then slammed the brakes in front of their home.  
The two of them entered through the front door, looking first to the dining room, and then over to the living room. They were somewhat startled to see Willow kneeling on the floor next to a figured dressed as a clown, who was sprawled out on the living room floor.  
Hearing the door, Willow looked up to see them, "Buffy! Dawn! Good, you're here..." She stood up and walked towards them, seeing the strange looks on their faces. Turning to see what they were seeing, she laughed a little, "Oh, yeah, that... Xander just tripped over his shoe. His ridiculously oversized shoe."  
Buffy almost looked angry, "You called me and had me drag my sister out of school so we could come home and see Xander's Halloween costume?!"  
"It's not a costume!" Xander yelled from his position face down on the floor, "And if one of you would be so kind as to help me up off the floor. These shoes are impossible."  
Buffy walked over and hefted him up with ease, looking him up an down, "It sure *looks* like a costume to me, Xander."  
Xander glared at her, then pointed to his nose. Buffy didn't take the hint, so he tried again, "Pull on it. Go ahead."  
Buffy looked at him with an unsure expression, "This isn't anything like 'pull my finger,' is it?"  
"Just pull the nose, Buffy." Xander demanded.  
So she did. She plucked the cherry red nose right off his face, looking at it in her hand and bouncing it a few times, "I don't really see what..." She looked back up and saw that there was still a red nose on his face, as well as one in her hand.  
Confused, she pulled the nose off his face again. Upon looking at him again, she saw it was still there on his face. She did this several times, even recruiting Dawn to come over and try. They watched closely as they plucked the nose off, and saw a new one grow out of thin air to replace it.  
"Willow, what's going on here?" Buffy asked.  
"My leading theory is magic." She paused, "Not my magic. Someone else's magic."  
Buffy looked incredulous, "Someone cast a spell on Xander to make him a clown?" She threw her hands up, "Okay, now I've officially seen everything."  
"Um, guys?" Dawn spoke up. She was ignored, however.  
"Well, maybe he wasn't the target, Buffy. Clowns are one of Xander's biggest fears... whatever did this might have been trying to make one of *your* fears real. Or it could be systematically striking us one by one. It could strike me next. Oh god... spiders!"  
"Hello?" Dawn spoke again.  
Willow looked in all directions in search of any spiders that might be crawling around after her. Then a thought dawned on her, "Oh my god! Xander is afraid of clowns... and he became one! Oh no, I'm going to be turned into a spider... I'll grow more legs! And hair, no, no! I had enough of that in puberty, Buffy, I don't need any more!"  
"Willow, calm down! You aren't going to turn into a spider. At least I don't think you will..."  
Xander looked at his hands and his clothing, "Well, I think I'm handling this quite a bit better than the amazing spider woman... Hey! Maybe I'm getting over my fear of clowns! Maybe if that happens, I'll go back to being normal!" He carefully walked over to the couch and sat down, avoiding another tripping incident with the large shoes, and began a mantra of 'I'm not afraid of clowns, I'm not afraid of clowns.'  
Dawn simply sat there and looked over the entire scene. Willow as freaking out about becoming a human spider. Buffy playing the psycho guidance councilor, talking Willow down from her freak out. And Xander was rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself. She suddenly realized that she was probably the sanest person in the room at that moment.  
She sighed, "Hello, crazy people?" She declared loudly. They all looked at her at once. She suddenly flustered at the increase in attention, but continued, "I know who did the spell on Xander."  
Xander leapt up off the couch toward her, proceeding to land flat on his face as his shoes tangled. He quickly pushed himself up with his hands, so he could crane his neck up to see her, "You do? Did you see them? Talk! Talk!"  
"Dawn? How do you know who did it?" Buffy asked as she walked over.  
"I know who did it, because it was me." She looked around at all of them guiltily, "I goofed up a spell that was aimed at him, and it made him into a clown."  
"What spell, Dawn?" Willow asked.  
"It was a... glamour, only more powerful. It was supposed to make me older so that Xander would wake up and be my boyfriend. But I sneezed in the middle of it and it went cablooey."  
It dawned on Buffy, "So *that's* why the power went out last night! You said it was nothing!"  
"People *always* say it's nothing!"  
"Dawnie, can you show me the spell you used?" Willow asked.  
Dawn nodded, "Sure, it's up in my room." The two of them went upstairs.  
Buffy turned around and helped Xander back up to his extremely large feet. She looked at them for a moment, before suggesting, "Why don't you just take the shoes off?"  
Xander looked at her, an embarrassed flush slowly creeping up his face despite the fact it couldn't be seen. He wordlessly bent down and slid the shoes off his feet and sat down on the couch with a sigh. Buffy sat down next to him and squeezed his hand, "Everything is going to be okay."  
He didn't immediately reply. He was caught in a limbo of an ever-present fear and a rarely touched-on annoyance. "Is this how my life is going to be? Am I the fall guy? It seems like the crazy stuff is happening to me, when I least expect it."  
"And crazy stuff doesn't happen to me?" Buffy replied lightly.  
He looked at her, "No! That's not what I meant... I just..." He was quiet for a moment, "Of all my fears, why the clown? I would have almost preferred hot vampire you to this nightmare."  
"We rarely get multiple choice when it comes to the freaksome, Xander..." Buffy did a double take, "Did you just say 'hot vampire you' as in me? One of your nightmares is of me being a vampire? And you thought I was hot as one?"  
Xander stupidly began replying immediate, "Well, it has to do with being scared of a vampire killing and replacing someone I lo..." Xander's mind immediately screamed, 'Danger, Xander Harris, Danger!' He sputtered momentarily, before quickly changing the subject, "Y'know, why don't we get back to the subject of... Hey! I'm a clown!"  
He jumped up and made a dash for the base of the stairs, "How's it going up there?"  
Willow came rushing out of Dawn's room, with Dawn herself right behind. Both had big smiles on their faces, "We found it!"  
"Thank God!" Xander declared. Upon seeing the look he got from Willow, he amended, "Or Goddess." 

Thursday, October 31st, 8:15am  
Basement of the Summers' Residence 

They were all gathered on the cold cement floor of the basement, a large insignia of chicken bones laid out, with Xander sitting cross-legged in the center next to a pile of red powder.  
Willow was walking in a circle around the insignia, completely a circle of the same red powder. She was reading the spell as she went, figuring out a plan of action.  
Xander observed his surroundings, "Why do I feel like I'm on a poster for the dark side of clown college?"  
"Xander, please be quiet."  
"Why? How can I possible make this worse?" The glares he received told him there were a number of things that could go wrong. He sighed, "Can you at least tell me if that's cayenne or chili powder? Y'know, so I can tell the torture guys in clown hell what flavor to roast me with."  
Willow ignored him, "Dawn, go sit down by the pile of powder... Just wait for your cue."  
"What am I supposed to do?" Buffy asked.  
"The same thing as Xander. Stay where you are and pray everything goes okay."  
"Here's hoping I get this damn suit and make-up off, people. Let the magic happen!"  
Willow stood behind Dawn's seated form, and began speaking, "From heart and mind, let the vision be gone... Reili Losa Ecta... Mier Solan Edeta Ominey." Giving her a cue with a kick to the rear, Dawn took a deep breath, leaned forward, and blew as much of the red powder around as she could.  
It did as was expected, flying up and covering Xander and his costume in a thin layer, before flashing. The light bulbs in the basement dimmed to the point of absolute darkness.  
"Did it work? Did it work?" Xander asked desperately. The lights came back up, as the three young women were exposed to a very naked Xander. He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing himself without clothes. He quickly covered himself up, "Jiminy Christmas, can somebody get me a blanket?"  
Willow ran over to a nearby cupboard, as Buffy ran over and covered up Dawn's eyes. She smirked as she jabbed, "Well, at least you got rid of the costume and the make-up."  
All three ladies laughed, as he covered himself with the blanket, "Har har har." He finished wrapping himself up and turned back around, "Word cannot express how thankful I am to you ladies... that clown thing was a nightmare come tr... what?" He saw they were continuing to laugh at him. He finally looked down at the end of his nose, to see the big fuzzy red ball was still there, "Oh, this thing *better* not be permanent..."  
Buffy looked at her watch, "Oh! School is going to start in a few minutes... we have to get going."  
Dawn groaned, "Why do schools have to not start until 8:30 around here?"  
Xander marched up the stairs behind them, a trail of little red balls bouncing down after him, "Dammit!" 


End file.
